Witch's Thanksgiving

MABON

Mabon is the 2^nd Harvest Festival....a time when nature declines, and draws back into bounty, getting ready for Winter and its time of rest. It is also known as Alban Elfed, Harvest Home, Winter Finding, Autumnal Equinox, Time of Changing Winds. These are days of divine balance waiting, hanging and being centered and posed before the energy shifts and wanes.

Mabon is a Celtic/Welsh god often referred to as the Son of Light (hhmmm, I believe in Christianity sounds like the equivalent of a man named Jesus). Mabon is the son of the Mother Goddess Modron and is also considered to be the male counterpart of Persephone. Mabon is a deity for truth and justice, music and youth......was separated from his mother when he was young. Persephone was dearly loved by her mother, Demeter, and when she was taken by her destined, Hades, Demeter lost it. Demeter caused the land to dye and diminish, taking her sorrow and grief out on the earth and all who lived. Mother Earth draws back into herself at this turn of the Wheel.

This is the time of reaping of what had been sown in the fields as well as in our lives. Mother Earth lays over the land a patchwork quilt of rich and subtle colors. Bronzes, oranges,, dark dark greens fading ,. Mother is getting ready for the long rest and opens her arms to draw in her children. All are getting ready for the winter. This is a time for us to ponder what has grown and what has diminished in our lives.

This is one of my favorite seasons (along with Yule). I love decorating with pumpkins, scarecrows, witches, and faerys. Browns and oranges and golds and greens decorate shelves, tables and shrine. The nights are nippy and the days are cool...but they are filled with the anticipation of the coming winter.

This is the Witches Thanksgiving....have family over for turkey, corn, cornbread, sweet potatoes.....speaking of corn, it is the mainstay of the season; corn chowder, roasted corn, corn meal, and so on.

This is the time I do my reflections, and I seem to gather energy to do my fall cleaning....maybe because of the cooler temperatures. This is also the time when I am more attuned to the faerys and otherworldly beings....I was born in October, so maybe that is why I feel more vibrant, alive and in tune than at any other season.

Whatever you call this time of the wheel, it is a time for drawing in and for cozying up to each other, for gathering not only sustenance but friends and family as well.

Goodbye Jack, I Wish I Knew Ye....

Goodbye Jack – I wish I knew Ye




Jack Layton, leader of the National Democratic Party in Canada died Monday, August 22, 2011 at 61 years of age from Cancer. I watched his funeral on television – he was rightfully given a State funeral. I watched, laughed, hummed to the music, and cried. And I learned more about the person who was Jack Layton.


Ever since moving to Canada, I have admired and thought highly of Jack Layton. He seemed sincere, honest and a fundamentally caring person. It turns out I was right.


And after listening to the heartfelt eulogies of Stephen Lewis, Rev. Brent Hawkins and his beloved children, and well as Chief Aleto, I learned even more about this public figure and person who deeply loved his country, its people and values and I am left wishing and hoping people, in and outside of the NDP and politics will see the importance of carrying on the same ideals, policies and general and honest principles of Jack to help make Canada and the Earth itself become an even better place to live.


Yes, I wish I had known Jack Layton, I wish he could have sat with us, maybe for dinner or just around and had been able to discuss, well, just stuff.


My heartfelt sympathies go out to his family and friends. And I wish him a speedy journey to his next adventure wherever that may be. And I wish his family and friends and those who knew him even a little continue to celebrate the life he lived and the person he was.

My Self-Induced Guilt

How do you not feel guilt. How do you not feel helpless? How do you not feel angry? And how do you not feel lost on what to do?




All of these feelings hurt in one way or another. And all of them I bring on myself when it comes to helping and/or not being able to help the kids.



Robert and I are by no means wealthy – not even close….like so many others we are an emergency away from the poor house….hell, we probably couldn’t even get in the poor house….it surely would be the streets instead. We work hard for what we have….granted, we do have more than some others, but not as much as a lot of people. We are close to retirement (Ha! I can’t retire until I’m like 70-something, if I am even able to work THAT long!), we don’t have any savings to speak of and we need to look after ourselves first and foremost.



And then there are the daughters. The oldest used to live with us, so she knows our financial situation…which is considerably worse since she had to move to the States and makes as much as Robert and I put together. The youngest has no source of income because she suffers from Lupus and Fibromyalgia and all the ailments and problems that arise when your immune system is compromised. And she is a single mom who is raising her daughter who has Type 1 diabetes. And she often needs financial help. Which we used to be able to do occasionally, but find it very hard to do now. And of course, this hurts us and makes us feel guilty. My daughters have not had the best life….I was not the best mother, but I did what I could do….maybe not my best, but as I said, not too perfect. And I have come to accept that about myself. I have always loved my children. And still do…



So – when we can’t help the kids, or if we get upset and kind of chew at them for something that happened and they turn on the tears….I feel the guilt, the helplessness, lost and angry that it isn’t better for them or us.



But, I do have a loving husband who makes me see that I do what I am capable of for them, granted it may not be enough for them, but I try. And I don’t feel as bad because they are adults and I realize I have to look out for my husband and myself in our old age…



And the Universe knows I love those girls….and our granddaughters…..always have, always will and I hope someday their lives will be better, enriched and easier for them.



And for us.

I am not technologically minded

Crap!  I just deleted all of the comments that were on my blog!  To those of you who commented, thanks and I am sorry I accidentally deleted your words....won't happen again (maybe  lol)

On Being a Limbo Star....

LIMBO!  Not exactly fond of the place. But, Robert and I, (like most members of our families, some who have lived there for quite some time now),   have been living there for a short while.  THE VOID. Which is just another name for Limbo - but actually describes the feeling of the place.  Did I say feeling?  Sigh, there IS no feeling in Limbo.....it's DE-void of feeling.  
Robert brought this up the other night.  He said he felt like there was a big void spot inside him, that there was no feeling breaking the surface.  I admitted to him I have felt this way since we were told about the pancreatic cancer and even more so since he had his CT scan.  It's waiting for the doctor to call that is so hard to really deal with.....possibly waiting for a death sentence.....and hoping with every ounce of self that the call does not come.....that Robert will simply got to his scheduled appointment June 7 and that the doc will tell him yes, there is something wrong, but that they can  do something that doesn't involve removing half his insides.....and that we can go on with our life together, growing old together like we want.

This is a place I do not like....this place of blankness, of feeling like something is off, a feeling of nothingness.  I do not like this Limbo, this void. And I know Robert is even more embedded in that void right now and I know it is for self preservation, and I know he doesn't like that feeling either.

I want to leave this empty place. And I want to leave quickly...and I want to leave knowing that Robert will be ok, that the two of us will get thru this together and have those years we want together.....

But, we won't leave yet, we won't abandon the Void, the blank emptiness.  We won't leave Limbo yet, because all the emptiness, the blank nothingness is also our cocoon, our defense against the FEAR.

Rubbing Away the Pain

One of the recent things that Robert has been going through is a constant pain in his back which radiates sometimes all the way to his shoulders, but mostly is located in his lower back, and off to the side. Now, just to get you all up to speed, Robert is NOT a touchy feely kind of guy - even after a lot of physical work, he would refuse back massages (I give pretty darn good massages).  But, very recently he asked me to rub his back; he said it really helped with the pain and made it bearable.  And so I very willingly lightly rub his back when asked.  Which, if under any other circumstances would cause me extreme delight.  Now, I am calm and loving as I rub his back and thankful that I can give him some relief.  It gives me a chance to do something for him.  So, what I like to do is when he is ready for bed, I mute the t.v., turn off the bedroom light, put on the meditation music he mosts enjoys and rub his back, putting forth all the love and healing energies I can while doing so. And I can feel his body relax under my hand; his breathing becomes closer to the breathing of a comfortably sleeping man. All the while I am thinking that I wish this wasn't necesssary because it makes me realize how ill he must really be. All the while I am wishing I wasn't rubbing away  pain....wishing there was no pain to rub away.

Today was a pretty good day. Last night I rubbed his back.  And he  said that he was very warm, in fact, hot- which is quite a switch because I'M the one with the built-in heater...but, his skin was warm to the touch in the area the pain was. So, as the music played, and I rubbed the love into his muscles and body, he slowly relaxed enough to go to sleep.  And when I came to bed, he held me all night, and it was good.

Today we did a lot of talking, as we are prone to do now. We talk about what may be coming, what may happen, what we might do.  We took a couple of walks today, it was really nice weather. FINALLY.  And we shared our thoughts about what each of us were feeling and how we may react down the road.  When confirmation comes.....

Today his back wasn't bothering him too much. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the seconds when he only has bearable pain. 

Today was a good day...time spent together, time being shared. He's sleeping now...I didn't rub his back....but I'm thinking I'm going to start doing that every night, even when his pain is bearable.....because I don't want him to feel ANY pain....and if I can do that by rubbing his back every night, it is something I want to do.

The Universe does what IT wants

Well, I haven't blogged in a while, I had even written down little notes to blog about. But, like it has done so many times, life has thrown me a curve.

I was going to post  about sex offenders being released back into society. The Royal Wedding - with Victoria Beckham in black (although loved her maternity dress) and the fact her husband, David, had worn his medal on the wrong side (for shame, David). Was going to vent (or stand on my portable soap box as Robert calls my rants) about Emperor Stephen (Harper) and all the stupid things he is doing. Not to mention the  idiot politicians in the United States.

But, those seem so very trivial at the moment. Now, besides worry about Laura, Queen of the Universe http://lauraqofu.blogspot.com/  and her midget, my granddaughter,;my eldest, Jenni and her spawn, the family, etc., I get to try and keep myself grounded and wrap my head around the fact that I may lose my beloved husband, Robert.

You see, after a routine physical, then some more test, then more tests, the doctor has scheduled a CT Scan of the abdomen/pelvic area for Robert because they are pretty sure he may have Pancreatic Cancer. The CT scan is just to confirm and see how this dis-ease has progressed. CANCER. A word I have feared and dealt with all my life. I have lost people I love to this. I have been scared shitless numerous times because I have had skin cancer several times. I fear my kids might develop this terrible thing.  And now, here I am, sitting at the computer at 1:30 am - yes, in the morning, looking out my balcony door, looking at Sister Moon shining down at me, trying to make sense of it all. And I can't. 

I can't make sense why things that are bad have happened to my family. And now, the one person I have wanted to spend my  life with, to not be without, may be lost to me some day - a whole lot sooner than I ever wanted. A whole lot sooner  than I thought or planned on. And it won't be sudden. It will be painful for him, physically and emotionally - he is  more worried about me than himself.

So, I will be blogging more often, as days go on. About what is happening with me, Robert and that awful word, Cancer.  His CT Scan is May 26 - but, I am sure I will have lots of words written down here on my blog, Lou's Log. Lots of words. 

And in case you haven't noticed, I love Robert with every ounce of my being, my mind, my heart and my soul. And he loves me, which dear ones, is no great feat. I have grown as a person, a woman, because of that wonderful love of his.....I only hope I have done the same for him.

So, for now, I am going to curl up next to my love, try to get some sleep, perhaps to dream and relive the wonderful full years we have shared.

Flat Irons are for.....

YOUR HAIR! That's on your Head!  Seriously?  Well, you would think everyone would know that, right? Well the joke is on me....or is me, I don't know which! It seems using the flatiron when I don't have my glasses on is hazardous to things on my head; such as ears. Ears?  Yes, ears!  It seems I grabbed a bit of my ear when straightening the side of my hair - now I have have a 1/2 of a square in bright red on my ear. And it hurts!  God, you would think I could do this without injuring myself. LOL, guess not!  But, I used a creame that my wonderful "witchy sister" makes from herbs - and it has not only healed the nasty looking burn wound, but there is no scar, either!  This has worked before - got into a scrap with some winged beings, nasty scratch on my face. Used her herbal creame and viola! Healed with no scar!  I love it!

Anyways, have been quite busy at work, haven't blogged in a while, I have even been taking notes on things I want to write about - economy, stupid people, smart people, governments, causes, etc....so, guess I better get my butt in gear and just do it!

Later, kiddies - but sooner, I hope!  Hugs

I'm still here....

Well, I am still here and in a much better frame of mind. The doctor's appointment  was regarding my blood test - it turns out that my triglycerides and glucose readings are extremely high - triglycerides up to 200 - which is not good - opening the door for Diabetes. And they redid my pap smear - which turned out ok.

So - got on the ball and found lots of info about all this and found a really good site for a low glycemic diet. And it is actually working!  I have lost  several pounds and hopefully the numbers have gone down. - And I eat a whole lot of veggies and fruit - have changed my rice to busmati and have cut out sugars and lots of fat - so hopefully this will work better and maybe I can get off some of these meds.

I have a doc's appointment this morning - my usual 3 month check-in - and hopefully he will schedule a blood test to see how all this is going....