The Universe does what IT wants

Well, I haven't blogged in a while, I had even written down little notes to blog about. But, like it has done so many times, life has thrown me a curve.

I was going to post  about sex offenders being released back into society. The Royal Wedding - with Victoria Beckham in black (although loved her maternity dress) and the fact her husband, David, had worn his medal on the wrong side (for shame, David). Was going to vent (or stand on my portable soap box as Robert calls my rants) about Emperor Stephen (Harper) and all the stupid things he is doing. Not to mention the  idiot politicians in the United States.

But, those seem so very trivial at the moment. Now, besides worry about Laura, Queen of the Universe http://lauraqofu.blogspot.com/  and her midget, my granddaughter,;my eldest, Jenni and her spawn, the family, etc., I get to try and keep myself grounded and wrap my head around the fact that I may lose my beloved husband, Robert.

You see, after a routine physical, then some more test, then more tests, the doctor has scheduled a CT Scan of the abdomen/pelvic area for Robert because they are pretty sure he may have Pancreatic Cancer. The CT scan is just to confirm and see how this dis-ease has progressed. CANCER. A word I have feared and dealt with all my life. I have lost people I love to this. I have been scared shitless numerous times because I have had skin cancer several times. I fear my kids might develop this terrible thing.  And now, here I am, sitting at the computer at 1:30 am - yes, in the morning, looking out my balcony door, looking at Sister Moon shining down at me, trying to make sense of it all. And I can't. 

I can't make sense why things that are bad have happened to my family. And now, the one person I have wanted to spend my  life with, to not be without, may be lost to me some day - a whole lot sooner than I ever wanted. A whole lot sooner  than I thought or planned on. And it won't be sudden. It will be painful for him, physically and emotionally - he is  more worried about me than himself.

So, I will be blogging more often, as days go on. About what is happening with me, Robert and that awful word, Cancer.  His CT Scan is May 26 - but, I am sure I will have lots of words written down here on my blog, Lou's Log. Lots of words. 

And in case you haven't noticed, I love Robert with every ounce of my being, my mind, my heart and my soul. And he loves me, which dear ones, is no great feat. I have grown as a person, a woman, because of that wonderful love of his.....I only hope I have done the same for him.

So, for now, I am going to curl up next to my love, try to get some sleep, perhaps to dream and relive the wonderful full years we have shared.