Rubbing Away the Pain

One of the recent things that Robert has been going through is a constant pain in his back which radiates sometimes all the way to his shoulders, but mostly is located in his lower back, and off to the side. Now, just to get you all up to speed, Robert is NOT a touchy feely kind of guy - even after a lot of physical work, he would refuse back massages (I give pretty darn good massages).  But, very recently he asked me to rub his back; he said it really helped with the pain and made it bearable.  And so I very willingly lightly rub his back when asked.  Which, if under any other circumstances would cause me extreme delight.  Now, I am calm and loving as I rub his back and thankful that I can give him some relief.  It gives me a chance to do something for him.  So, what I like to do is when he is ready for bed, I mute the t.v., turn off the bedroom light, put on the meditation music he mosts enjoys and rub his back, putting forth all the love and healing energies I can while doing so. And I can feel his body relax under my hand; his breathing becomes closer to the breathing of a comfortably sleeping man. All the while I am thinking that I wish this wasn't necesssary because it makes me realize how ill he must really be. All the while I am wishing I wasn't rubbing away  pain....wishing there was no pain to rub away.

Today was a pretty good day. Last night I rubbed his back.  And he  said that he was very warm, in fact, hot- which is quite a switch because I'M the one with the built-in heater...but, his skin was warm to the touch in the area the pain was. So, as the music played, and I rubbed the love into his muscles and body, he slowly relaxed enough to go to sleep.  And when I came to bed, he held me all night, and it was good.

Today we did a lot of talking, as we are prone to do now. We talk about what may be coming, what may happen, what we might do.  We took a couple of walks today, it was really nice weather. FINALLY.  And we shared our thoughts about what each of us were feeling and how we may react down the road.  When confirmation comes.....

Today his back wasn't bothering him too much. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the seconds when he only has bearable pain. 

Today was a good day...time spent together, time being shared. He's sleeping now...I didn't rub his back....but I'm thinking I'm going to start doing that every night, even when his pain is bearable.....because I don't want him to feel ANY pain....and if I can do that by rubbing his back every night, it is something I want to do.